Confidence in Your Gifting
These past few days, I have become more aware of the fight between God and the devil for my
mind. As God elevates me in our relationship together, he’s been pulling me outside of my
comfort zone. In my childhood and before I knew Jesus, I frequently submitted to the spirit of
anxiety. If I were anxious about something, I would quit or hide so that I wouldn’t have to do
anything that scared me.
Recently, God has called me to be vulnerable about my relationship with Him. The things he’s
been calling me to share have been things that I usually would have resisted because they’re
really intimate. Vulnerability is not something I saw growing up, so it wasn’t something that I
saw modeled, making it even more intimidating to me. However, in these moments, I’m
reminded that what we have envisioned for us is not what God has planned for us (Jeremiah
29:11). Additionally, he’s going to strengthen us in what we would call our “weaknesses”,
because he wants to use those to honor Him (2 Corinthians 12).
However, the devil is also trying to use my weaknesses to keep me bound in sin and
disobedience. For example, I posted a video on my Instagram story, sharing an intimate moment
with me and God. At first, I was disobedient and didn’t post it. Anxiety attacked me so hard that
I started to have stomach pains. The devil was speaking doubt into my mind as he did to Eve in
the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:4-5). He tried to say that God didn’t really tell me to do this, a
statement that was appealing to me at the time, because it was the comfortable option to not
listen. After a good ten minutes of resisting, I ended up posting it and tossing my phone across
the room. I leaned over, arms holding my stomach, as I spoke to God with tears in my eyes, and
told Him, “I’m scared.”
Scared to be known.
Scared to be vulnerable.
Scared for people to see my faith in action, instead of just my words.
At that moment, God spoke to me and said, “Your vulnerability is your superpower. I didn’t do
this for no reason. The people who need this will see.” That’s something I keep reminding myself
daily, as he continues to call me outside of my comfort zone. I also remind myself of Philippians
2:12-13, “Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my
presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,
for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”
My friend reminded me of this verse the night of the anxiety attack. As I continue to walk with
God and he takes me to places I’ve either avoided or never envisioned for myself, I remember
that this is not about me or my comfortability. None of our walks are. We are to walk in
obedience and honor Him, for his grace has saved us and he knows what’s best. And by his glory,
a girl slid up on my story and told me how that video had encouraged her to keep going, as she
was facing some anxiety about the change that God was calling her to.
If you feel yourself struggling with the spirit of anxiety and walking obediently, I invite you to
say this prayer with me:
God,
I thank you for saving me. I thank you for loving me when I am lost and strengthening me where
I am weak. I acknowledge that you want to use me and the gifts you have given me to honor you.
God, I ask you to give me the strength to walk out the calling that you have given me. I
acknowledge that the fear of man is of the enemy and that you are my shepherd, therefore man
can do nothing to me. God, please teach me how to obey you even when I am fearful. Please
teach me how to love you more than my own comfort. Give me the discernment to distinguish
what actions follow your direction versus those of the enemy.
In Jesus name,
Amen.